I was one of those kids who was always asking “why?”.

Why do you do that mommy?

Why do flowers die when you cut them?

Why do boy dogs pee on things?

Why is that woman wearing an animal around her neck? And why isn’t it moving?

Why is that man wearing his pj’s out in the mall?

I think I was perhaps one of the most embarrassing children have to take out in public sometimes, as those why’s were never really toned with an inside, whisper type voice. (sorry mom, dad, grandma!)

Though I think my favourite question was just: “Why?” period. Especially when someone told me that I couldn’t do something. And I think I might’ve repeated the question after every answer until I got an answer I liked. I also think that wore down my mother’s sanity a little bit.

The “why’s” have never really stopped, I just wear down my own sanity now.

After jumping in feet first, into this race, without really even looking to see if there was water in the pool (another common trait of mine), I had to ask myself………..*wait for it*……………*you know it’s commin*…………..WHY?

I’ve figured out that I figure it’s time I put my money where my mouth is. Why?

Well for 5 years now I have worked my way up to being one of the most respected spin instructors in Vancouver. And I believe it’s not b/c I play good music, it’s not because I teach the hardest classes, it’s because I take my teaching one step further and incorporate the mental game.

I would like to say that through my own racing I learned a lot about what it takes mentally to compete at the pro level. Truth be told, my mental game was the one thing I was lacking when I was racing. It wasn’t until my crash and burn phase that I actually really began to understand the mental aspect of sport. And because I realize now how important the mind is in any level of sport I make a huge effort to focus a great deal of my teachings on building up your mind skills for sport.

So now it’s time for me to practice what I preach. I throw a lot of exercises, ideas and theories out at my students, now it’s time for me to take all these tools and put them to my own personal test. It’s time to put my money where my mouth is.

Four years ago I swore off racing, well truth be told my body swore off racing. Six years of riding the the Ontario and Canadian mountain bike circuit and thinking I was invincible lead to a brick wall. A brick wall made of repeated sickness, emotional burn out and adrenal fatigue. 2004 was supposed to be the year that I ranked within the top 20 in Canada, instead I fell off the map mid season.

I tried to fight it.

I tried to fight the physical exhaustion, but everytime I got back on my bike to train I got sick. A cold here, a migraine there, the flu, waking up at 28 unable to move with seized back, the list goes on.

I tried to tell myself I still loved to ride. Training rides where monotonous. Pre-rides provided no excitement of what was to come the next day. One lap into a race in the blazing sun and I was wondering what I was doing there. What I missed was the love of the ride.

I lost the fight and swore off racing, for what I thought was forever…

and then…..

Today I find myself sitting here writing this blog with aching glutes and quads, and a familiar welcome fatigue, that I haven’t felt for 4 years.

Yesterday, I picked up our first sponsor/trail product.

Three days ago I was working out a contra deal with a personal trainer to kick our butts.

A week ago I was designing our team logo and setting up this blog.

A week and a half ago I found myself setting up Phase I of our training schedule.

And two weeks ago I found myself sitting in a room with someone I barely know signing up for the BC Bike Race! And I really didn’t know if we shared much more than an addiction to adrenaline…

I guess only time will tell!